You know what really makes me want to plunge? Drunk Scottish men lifting their kilts to strangers in Poland. Not because they horrify Polish residents who feel such behaviour is inappropriate or because they risk getting frostbite on their genitals when they inevitably pass-out in a gutter. I’m not even upset that this could potentially lead Poland to ban “men-in-skirts” or at least make the wearing of underwear obligatory. Nope, I just don’t see the downside to that stuff. What bothers me is how this will impact the price of alcoholic beverages in Poland.
We all know Poland is a major destination for tourists because of the cheap beer. We also know that this cheap beer possibly provides the Scots with the necessary motivation to run around Poland exposing themselves. Unfortunately, rather than turning towards violence or driving under the influence, Scots are perfectly content with hiding behind tree’s ready to flash unsuspecting victims. This sort of behaviour is not generally well received. In fact, many polish citizens have reported feeling frightened upon discovering what the drunk Scots have under their kilts.
Now let me explain how this will lead to an increase in the price of alcohol. First of all, drunk Scots can only stagger so far when drunk before collapsing unconscious in a ditch. This means that the under-kilt-sightings will have a highest density within the staggering radius surrounding the bars in Poland. We will refer to this as the “Flashing Zone of Terror”. Frightened citizens will avoid the Flashing Zone of Terror at all cost meaning many will avoid Poland’s bars. If you’ve studied Supply vs Demand in economics then you know that as the demand goes down so does the price. However, in this case, decreasing the price will only attract more Scottish flashers. Therefore, tourists will inevitably be content to pay significantly more for their beer if the end result is less exposed testes.
Don’t let the drunk Scottish kilt lifters raise the price of beer in Poland! It’s time to enter the Flashing Zone of Terror and fight back. Take out the plungers, you know what to do when you see that kilt-lift!