Deceth.com

You know who really makes me want to plunge? Stephen Colbert. Colbert conveniently inherited Captain America’s shield following the characters death and is rumoured to have thus been inducted honorarily as a character in the Marvel Universe. The shield was initially reported as missing, but later turned up in the hands of Colbert on television during Comedy Central’s, “The Colbert Report”. Colbert claims Steve Rogers (i.e. Captain America!) bequethed the shield to him in his Will. S.H.I.E.L.D. is currently investigating the validity of the Will.

While Colbert bids farewell to Captain America, one has to wonder, did he do it? One may argue that he lacks the qualities of a super hero villain, but what if Stephen Colbert is really the alter ego of Crossbones or Dr.Faustus?! Let’s not forget Colbert’s performance at the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner… According to Michael Scherer, “Stephen Colbert is a dangerous man — a bomb thrower, an assassin, a terrorist with boring hair and rimless glasses. It’s a wonder the Secret Service let him so close to the president of the United States.”

Colbert has appeared in Maxim Online and People Magazine as one of the sexiest men alive. Most TV news anchors are not naturally attractive or they would have a better job, so this strengthens the alter ego argument as Colbert is obviously wearing a mask.

If you think the evidence ends there you are wrong! Once Captain America realizes that his fight against the Registration Act is putting the lives of civilians in danger, he orders the anti-Registration forces to stand down. Colbert, who had a vested interest in the liberty of the super-powered beings via his ice cream business (i.e. Stephen Colbert’s AmeriCone Dream – …the sweet taste of liberty…), could not allow the fight against registration to be lost, and thus needed to murder Captain America in order to allow a new leader, possibly Punisher, to continue the battle!

You see, the Comics Code Authority (CCA) was created to regulate the content of comic books and prevents super-powered beings from consuming alcohol. Colbert knew that when the sale of alcohol was made illegal in the United States during the prohibition between 1920-1933 the demand for ice cream soared up by 71%. If the registration act were to come into effect, the identities of all super-powered beings would be known and therefore they would gain the right to consume alcohol since by law they would now be entitled even as a super-beings, to their rights as regular civilians. The impact would have dramatic results on Colbert’s ice cream business.

Do not let the fact that Captain America is a comic book character stand in the way of justice. Stephen Colbert must pay for the crimes he has committed! Get out your plungers and stand up for Steve Rogers. Don’t let fiction and reality become two separate entities!